Taniths Thoughts...

I dont know where to begin. time has gone by. there has been so many experiences and events that have passed. joe has been going to school for landscape architecture, i painted shoes for peaches neet feet for a little bit, joe worked with YCC (youth conservation corps) for two months, ive been working at farmington family practice, joes been working a little bit for ez shade, ive been obsessed with pinterest, joes been enjoying bike rides. thats us in a nutshell BEFORE the accident.....

September 19th. i found joe unconscious and not breathing in our apartment that morning. he was without oxygen for a long period of time. it could have been 10 minutes to 30 minutes. i have no idea. calling 911 and performing CPR was an experience.

everyone needs to take a class ASAP. it is very important. if i hadnt have taken a CPR class several weeks beforehand "just in case i might need to use it" i wouldnt have been so informed and determined when i found him. my advice to you, pound the freakin guts out of whoever it is, because in adults the compressions are the most important.

he suffers a massive brain injury that, originally, we thought was brain swelling. since he has such a young brain, we couldnt tell from his first CT scan. he went into cardiac arrest 3 times, which basically means he died three times. once at home, twice at the ER. when your body goes into cardiac arrest, your organs shut down, the oxygen recedes from everywhere. that is why it is so important to get your body the best oxygen!

yesterday the neurologist said that his brain looked good on the CT scan and the EEG (which is a brain monitoring device, the things you see on tv when somebody has wires on their head and it makes a bunch of squiggly lines on a screen). tomorrow (9/24/12) they will do another CT scan and EEG. hopefully we sporactic lines! positive vibes guys!!!! keep your fingers crossed!

from having CPR performed and being intubated (which means a tube down your throat to make you breath) joes lungs were looking bad. a pneumothorax (a pocket of air) developed that was caused by tubes being stuffed down his throat and the CPR. they had to put a chest pump into the side of his chest to suck out the air pocket. took a while to get rid of that but fast considering this whole thing happened 5 days ago. hopefully tomorrow (9/24/12) they will take the chest pump out. we dont want that in very long because it exposes him to pneumonia.

the meds he was on was for his blood pressure and sedation (to rest his brain). but as of right now, he is on NO meds except for his IV that manages his body fluids (nutrition, hydration, and a little bit of meds that help him rest/heal without pain). yesterday they tried to feed him "steak in bottle" as we call it but he coughed it up (a more polite way to say throw up). which was NOT good considering he has tubes that expose his lungs. but the surgeon that put the chest pump in looked at his chest xray today and said no big deal. which is BIG, since throw up in your lungs is obviously a scary thing. yesterday liz mentioned they turned back ON the ventilator that basically breaths for him. today they turned back OFF the ventilator, but now he is breathing a little fast. ill have to get back to the hospital tonight to see if he has slowed down. AND he is eating again and not throwing up.

the neurologist that came in on friday, really (excuse my french) PISSED ME OFF. lol i know he was trying to lower my hopes since they were really high, but all the same, i was pretty upset when he said that joe could take a year to even get to rehab. dont get me wrong though, i really do appreciate doctors. they have to do that. thats why im not going to be a doctor. lol they have to make you sad for you to appreciate it when patients do well. it has to be the hardest job of all. they are the best people. after all, my dad is a doctor. :)

the day after, i know joe wanted to prove the neurologist wrong. when the nurse gave him the pain test, he scrunched up the corner of his mouth and pulled his arm back a little bit. it was hilarious! i couldnt help but laugh be happy. all i could say is DO IT AGAIN! :) poor joe. he keeps doing little things that make me remember his normal ways. last night before i left the hospital, he was moving his head back and forth looking uncomfortable and at the end he turned his shoulder a teeny bit to his right and sighed. poor guy. i keep telling everyone that even when he was home, he DID NOT like to stay in bed! right after he woke up in the morning he just had to get up. mister antsy pants. i know this is just frustrating him more than anything. another thing i just love that he does is just breathe. he has these little heavy breaths or sighs that he does normally that makes me believe hes coming back to me.

everybody makes fun of me because i show my love to our cat MJ and joe with squeezes and gritting my teeth. its the overwhelming love you feel when you see babies and you just want to squeeze and pinch their cheeks! i find myself doing it with his arm. :) im probably going to give him a blood clot. lol jk. there are times where i just want to crawl in the bed with him, but i cant. thats a little hard for me. that and making myself leave the hospital. i have a set schedule. i go to the ICU (intensive care unit, where joe is staying). nonvisiting hours are 6-9am and 6-9pm. i stay til 6pm. come back at 9. decide whether im going to spend the night at the hospital or go to my parents. and start over again. if it were my choice id be there ALL day. but i talked to a nurse and she said that joe needs me later, not now. he needs me rested for when he is awake and needy.

right now he is verrrry sleeeepy. a full day of eyes open, to two days of closing them. today was hard because nothing happened. you just want to expect something good to happen every day. but ive come to the realization that we cant do that. time heals. time heals.

just an understanding for you, his eyes do open, but there is nothing behind them yet. his pupils dont follow anyone, but they do move from side to side sometimes. i like to get right where his pupils are and act like he sees me. :) it cracks me up.

the plan right now is to
1. get him off any breathing devices completely
2. get his heart rate under control
3. look for brain activity on the EEG and some physical tests the neurologist does to him
4. have him eat well, and not throw up
5. get an MRI when he gets 1-4 done

ive appreciated the "loves" and support from all of you. people i know and people i dont know. its amazing that the gospel of jesus christ is so powerful. its the only thing that keeps joe, me and my family going. we belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are "Mormons." if you are wondering how i am so strong, hopeful, and brave, it is because of this church. you can find out more on lds.org or mormon.org.

i know youve all been wondering how i am taking this, just one foot at a time. i am kind of off the radar for a bit trying to wrap my brain around things. i know you want to help me, i find myself trying to think of things you can do :)

once again, i thank you from the bottom of my heart, whether it be pubicly or personally. i appreciate you. every soul is great in the sight of God. my sight as well. love to all.

p.s. i apologize for not capitalizing or punctuating correctly. i am very tired and tend to be lazy. lol ;)