Memories of Joe

This is a call for all memories of Joe.  If you have a fun (or a serious) memory of JoJo, we would love to hear it.  Thanks for all of your outpouring of love...

Funeral Plans

Funeral plans for Joe have been decided.

Date: Thursday, October 4
Time:  11:00 a.m.
Where:  LDS Chapel (4400 College Boulevard)

We would love to have all who loved Joe come and celebrate in his life.

A sad passing...

Joe passed from this life this evening about 10:40.  We love him and will always miss him.

Another heartfelt thank you goes out to all of you our friends and families.

As plans for a funeral progress, we will pass the information along.

Love you.  Liz

Thanks for Loving Joe

We have been on a emotional roller-costar this last week, we cried tears of unbelief when the doctors tried to tell us how serious Joe’s condition was as he was first admitted, then we cheered with Joy when he made small improvements like opening his eyes and feeling a little pain.  We cried tears of acceptance when we thought that Joe might remain with us in this life, but he would likely have diminished mental capacity. We now cry tears of deep longing, as we accept that Joe’s time with us in this life is close to an end.

As tragic as this may seem to some, please know that we are filled with peace and hope.  Our faith and knowledge in the Atonement of the Savior and his plan of happiness is embedded in our hearts and lives.  We will miss terribly Joseph’s daily presences in our lives but this pain is immediately tempered by an understanding that as a family we have made covenants with God that can bind us together as a family for eternity.  My heart aches when I talk with some who love Joe and are experiencing the same sorrow as we are but do not yet fully understand how to access the comfort of the Atonement.

Thank you all so much for your tender expressions of love.  It is tremendously comforting to know that there are many people who know and love Joe as we do, we are extremely grateful to have friends who are willing to mourn with us.  Without fail everyone wants to know what they can do to help us.  Please just give us a hug - we will probably leave a tear stain on your shoulder and you may do the same but know that is all we really need that this time.

Kent

Don't you just love this guy?

I love this happy little guy. 

 Joe and his cousins Maretta, Janey and Beatrice

I may be the meanest Mom in town, but this is one of my favorite pictures.  

He always loved his brother Tanner.

Buds forever!

First tooth lost (bottom tooth!) 

First day of second grade. Mom, can we go to school already?

Buddies Robbie Aurnhammer, Daniel Lawrence and Chris Clark.

Thanksgiving Point with Mom (behind the camera) and Ashley. 

He loves his sister Ash too!

Cousin Rosey. 

Christmas pic 2008.

And then the love of his life came into the picture - Rawr! 

Brothers in Washington DC - always the ham. 

He never keeps a straight face when he takes pictures. 

Going ice skating on 70s night - Tanith, Dallin Whipple, Celine Cate, Ben Teare and Tanner. 

Engagement pics with sweet Tannie. 

His best bud Dad at an Applegate camping trip. 

His 23rd birthday. 

Taylorsville pics in 2011.

Tannie's first Conference in the Conference Center - April 2012. 

I think the insanity runs in the family - Joe and Chels. 

Les Mis with his favorite sisters and Mom - 6/2012

Deep sadness

Joe is not doing well and probably won't be with us on this earth for too many more days. Please pray for a peaceful release for him from this body.

We know at this time that everyone who knows Joe would love to be with him at this time. We really do know that. We ask, however, that we be given a small amount of privacy to spend what little time we have left with Joe. Feel free to drop us a note or even text or email but try to limit in person visits as they have limited all visitors to immediate family.

Thank you for your understanding and for all of your prayers. Liz

A thank you goes out...

to all who are so caring as we struggle through this.  There has been no change with Joe's condition.  We are all there for him and know that you are there for us.  Thank you so much for your prayers and love. Right now they are keeping all visitors to immediate family only.  We know that you would ALL be there if you could but know for now that we feel your love.  Liz

A very rough road to tow...

Joe has made very little progress.  His brain function has remained basically the same.  There is activity there, but no real recognition.

Dr. Martin came in yesterday and gave Tanith some very hard decisions to make for Joe.  Please pray for her during this very personal time.  We know the will of the Lord will be done, it is just finding peace in those happenings.  Thank you to our friends and family who have shown love to us in so many ways.

A thought from Tanner...

Well I have no idea where to start. I write this letter out to a general public who knows a little bit of the story that is occurring right now. I write this just an hour after hearing the news so I have not quite wrapped my head around the information. I apologize if it is a little scattered. I am not an amazing writer like my mom, sister or sister-in-law.

To let you know a little from my side of the story, being half way around the world, I did not know anything that was happening. Sunday night, as I was calling and animating my district, I get a call from my mission President informing me that my brother was in the hospital and that I had permission to call my family the following day (Monday). As you can imagine, that sent my mind whirling. I had no idea what to expect. 

The first thing I thought was that I was super glad to live with a Priesthood holder. I asked my companion for a blessing of support and strength and prayed that the blessing would get me through the night until I could talk to my family the following day. 

That night, I slept a lot more calm than I thought I was going to. It was still a rough night where the worst of the worst haunted my dreams. The following day, I did my best to lead a normal morning. I got up and studied and clean my pension, just like any other P Day. Than at 11 in the morning, I went to members house to use his computer in order to Skype with my family.

I got ahold of Chels and she called my mom in order to tell me the news. As the conversation went on with my mom, the initial reaction of things began to hit me. I am so very grateful for the amazing technology that we blessed to have. I was able to talk to Chels, Mom, Dad, and Tanith all at the same time. They all were able to keep me very "animated" (that is for my mother who teased me about using this Spanglish word.)

So I am now here typing my reactions to everything. I have not been able to organize my thoughts so I want to just let them flow. Please forgive me if they are not exactly organized.

My initial thought was D&C 122:7-9: 

 7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

 8 The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

 9 Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

 I realized that in the whole life of my family and especially Joe and Tanith, this is a trial that will be for our experience and our good. God knows all of our days and that includes Joes. If this be his time, than that is plan of God. If he continues for a longer time in the state that he is, that is the plan of God. I know that God allows us to have these trials in order to grow. 

The next thought that came to my mind was the reaction to ask God for help to support this trial. It reminded me of the people of Limhi. They had a lot of burdens to support. The humbled themselves and cried unto the Lord. This is how he responds:

14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

 15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

This will not be an easy burden to bear. However, if I (we) follow the example of the people of Limhi, God will make it light for us to bear. He will give us strength. 

Family and Friends, for lack of time I want to sign off bearing my testimony and sharing a couple thoughts about Joe. I honestly truly know that this is the Church of Jesus Christ. This is the only pathway that we can take in order to receive our perfect body through the resurrection. There is no other plan that we can possibly follow. Only through the gospel of Jesus Christ is this possible. It is not an easy path but than again, if we think about it, it is not a little reward that we receive if we are faithful. 

Just like the classic marshmallow test that was given to little 2 years old to see if they would be patient and receive double reward, we are the same. As adults, we realize that 5 minutes is so short and we wish to impart all of our wisdom to that little child who is suffering for those 5 minutes and just tell them to hold on. We are the same way as children of God. This life is so short. We need to just hold on. Just a little longer and we will have won the grand reward. ...

Elder Applegate

Tanner knows

For those who don't know Joe's brother Tanner is on a mission for our church. He is in Vina del Mar Chile and is scheduled to return home in March. Since there had not been a whole lot of change to report to Tanner we hadn't told him. But last night we felt it was time to let him know. So late last night we got a hold of Tanner's mission president who said he would have Tanner call us this morning. So this morning Chelsea and I skyped and just told him about the happenings of the last few days. There were moments of laughter and moments of tears. I wanted so bad to be able to hug my little girl so far away in Idaho and my little boy even further away in Chile. I hoped for a mom somewhere in that foreign land who would do just that - hug my boy.

Tanner would love to hear from anyone. He asked me to have everyone who would like to write to him either respond to this message or email me at klapplegate@gmail.com. I will put them in one word document so he can print them off and read them on his free time. Chels can be reached on Facebook or at chelseasapplegate@gmail.com. Thanks to all.

Tick, tick, tick...

So it is still a wait-and-see game.  Little JoJo is hanging in there and they tell us not much has changed.  

He is still sleeping quite a bit which the neurologist says is not unusual.  We are hoping to get him a little more alert for his exam tomorrow as the doctor will be coming in.  I feel like he is back in school again and I just want him to do the best he can do for his "teacher".  I am sure this is how our Father in Heaven feels too as he watches us and knows that he can't intervene - that He just wants us to do the best we can do.  

Anyway, here are a few things that are "less positive" that have happened today:

1.  His heart rate dropped a little - however they said this might just be him getting back to his baseline. Most people have a heart rate that lands somewhere in the 50-75 range.  His has been hovering around 45-50 after having been around 70 yesterday.  I think he is more like his dad and his heart rate is just slower than most.  

2.  He is still not displaying a gag reflex.  This is concerning because he is not coughing up "stuff" that might be entering his lungs.  They are suctioning out his lungs are trying to keep his lungs clear so he doesn't contract pneumonia. 

Some good things:

1.  He is back on his "steak in a bottle" so he is getting nutrition - that is good.  

2.  His blood pressure is still holding strong. 

3.  He is still loved and supported by many friends.  So many nice things have been blessing Mom and Dad's (mine and Kent's) life.  

Thanks for all of your encouraging words.  It really makes opening email / facebook / blog so much more fun, lol.   Liz

Taniths Thoughts...

I dont know where to begin. time has gone by. there has been so many experiences and events that have passed. joe has been going to school for landscape architecture, i painted shoes for peaches neet feet for a little bit, joe worked with YCC (youth conservation corps) for two months, ive been working at farmington family practice, joes been working a little bit for ez shade, ive been obsessed with pinterest, joes been enjoying bike rides. thats us in a nutshell BEFORE the accident.....

September 19th. i found joe unconscious and not breathing in our apartment that morning. he was without oxygen for a long period of time. it could have been 10 minutes to 30 minutes. i have no idea. calling 911 and performing CPR was an experience.

everyone needs to take a class ASAP. it is very important. if i hadnt have taken a CPR class several weeks beforehand "just in case i might need to use it" i wouldnt have been so informed and determined when i found him. my advice to you, pound the freakin guts out of whoever it is, because in adults the compressions are the most important.

he suffers a massive brain injury that, originally, we thought was brain swelling. since he has such a young brain, we couldnt tell from his first CT scan. he went into cardiac arrest 3 times, which basically means he died three times. once at home, twice at the ER. when your body goes into cardiac arrest, your organs shut down, the oxygen recedes from everywhere. that is why it is so important to get your body the best oxygen!

yesterday the neurologist said that his brain looked good on the CT scan and the EEG (which is a brain monitoring device, the things you see on tv when somebody has wires on their head and it makes a bunch of squiggly lines on a screen). tomorrow (9/24/12) they will do another CT scan and EEG. hopefully we sporactic lines! positive vibes guys!!!! keep your fingers crossed!

from having CPR performed and being intubated (which means a tube down your throat to make you breath) joes lungs were looking bad. a pneumothorax (a pocket of air) developed that was caused by tubes being stuffed down his throat and the CPR. they had to put a chest pump into the side of his chest to suck out the air pocket. took a while to get rid of that but fast considering this whole thing happened 5 days ago. hopefully tomorrow (9/24/12) they will take the chest pump out. we dont want that in very long because it exposes him to pneumonia.

the meds he was on was for his blood pressure and sedation (to rest his brain). but as of right now, he is on NO meds except for his IV that manages his body fluids (nutrition, hydration, and a little bit of meds that help him rest/heal without pain). yesterday they tried to feed him "steak in bottle" as we call it but he coughed it up (a more polite way to say throw up). which was NOT good considering he has tubes that expose his lungs. but the surgeon that put the chest pump in looked at his chest xray today and said no big deal. which is BIG, since throw up in your lungs is obviously a scary thing. yesterday liz mentioned they turned back ON the ventilator that basically breaths for him. today they turned back OFF the ventilator, but now he is breathing a little fast. ill have to get back to the hospital tonight to see if he has slowed down. AND he is eating again and not throwing up.

the neurologist that came in on friday, really (excuse my french) PISSED ME OFF. lol i know he was trying to lower my hopes since they were really high, but all the same, i was pretty upset when he said that joe could take a year to even get to rehab. dont get me wrong though, i really do appreciate doctors. they have to do that. thats why im not going to be a doctor. lol they have to make you sad for you to appreciate it when patients do well. it has to be the hardest job of all. they are the best people. after all, my dad is a doctor. :)

the day after, i know joe wanted to prove the neurologist wrong. when the nurse gave him the pain test, he scrunched up the corner of his mouth and pulled his arm back a little bit. it was hilarious! i couldnt help but laugh be happy. all i could say is DO IT AGAIN! :) poor joe. he keeps doing little things that make me remember his normal ways. last night before i left the hospital, he was moving his head back and forth looking uncomfortable and at the end he turned his shoulder a teeny bit to his right and sighed. poor guy. i keep telling everyone that even when he was home, he DID NOT like to stay in bed! right after he woke up in the morning he just had to get up. mister antsy pants. i know this is just frustrating him more than anything. another thing i just love that he does is just breathe. he has these little heavy breaths or sighs that he does normally that makes me believe hes coming back to me.

everybody makes fun of me because i show my love to our cat MJ and joe with squeezes and gritting my teeth. its the overwhelming love you feel when you see babies and you just want to squeeze and pinch their cheeks! i find myself doing it with his arm. :) im probably going to give him a blood clot. lol jk. there are times where i just want to crawl in the bed with him, but i cant. thats a little hard for me. that and making myself leave the hospital. i have a set schedule. i go to the ICU (intensive care unit, where joe is staying). nonvisiting hours are 6-9am and 6-9pm. i stay til 6pm. come back at 9. decide whether im going to spend the night at the hospital or go to my parents. and start over again. if it were my choice id be there ALL day. but i talked to a nurse and she said that joe needs me later, not now. he needs me rested for when he is awake and needy.

right now he is verrrry sleeeepy. a full day of eyes open, to two days of closing them. today was hard because nothing happened. you just want to expect something good to happen every day. but ive come to the realization that we cant do that. time heals. time heals.

just an understanding for you, his eyes do open, but there is nothing behind them yet. his pupils dont follow anyone, but they do move from side to side sometimes. i like to get right where his pupils are and act like he sees me. :) it cracks me up.

the plan right now is to
1. get him off any breathing devices completely
2. get his heart rate under control
3. look for brain activity on the EEG and some physical tests the neurologist does to him
4. have him eat well, and not throw up
5. get an MRI when he gets 1-4 done

ive appreciated the "loves" and support from all of you. people i know and people i dont know. its amazing that the gospel of jesus christ is so powerful. its the only thing that keeps joe, me and my family going. we belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are "Mormons." if you are wondering how i am so strong, hopeful, and brave, it is because of this church. you can find out more on lds.org or mormon.org.

i know youve all been wondering how i am taking this, just one foot at a time. i am kind of off the radar for a bit trying to wrap my brain around things. i know you want to help me, i find myself trying to think of things you can do :)

once again, i thank you from the bottom of my heart, whether it be pubicly or personally. i appreciate you. every soul is great in the sight of God. my sight as well. love to all.

p.s. i apologize for not capitalizing or punctuating correctly. i am very tired and tend to be lazy. lol ;)

Update on ways to help financially...

We have been asked if Joe and Tannie will be slammed financially.  Although there are always expenses associated with an illness like this, he does have good insurance.  Since Joe is under 26 he is still on our insurance and Kent has pretty good insurance through BHP.  This has been a blessing in itself.

There are, however, other expenses that will pop up for Tanith and Joe as this illness extends out.  Therefore, some have asked how they can contribute.  A fund has been set up in response to this request and can be accessed here.  (Please know that you can check out without having a paypal account).

Thanks for your love and continued support.

Grateful to be Stretched

This is Kent, I was able to pry the computer out of Liz’s sleeping hands, this can only happen early in the morning.  Liz is doing a great job of giving updates on the Josephs status, I wanted to give an update on a more spiritual status.  Talking to a few people they have said that they hope something “good” could come from this experience.  I cannot share all the good and spiritual blessing that have come as a result of this experience but I want to share a couple to help family members and friends know that as hard as this is at a physical level it is a blessing and good at a spiritual level.

Soon after Joe was admitted he received a Priesthood blessing by his Bishop and a friend.  Later that night, that friend came back and gave each of us in the family a Priesthood blessing.  In one of these blessing the phrase “Be still and know that I am God” was spoken.  From the beginning He has been in charge.  We have marveled at the technology and skill of the medical workers that have attended to Joe, and we are grateful for their abilities, but we know that the only reason that Joe is still with us is because God is in charge and he wants him to be here, no one can go without oxygen to the brain as long as Joe likely did and still have brain activity.

Brigham Young once expressed that his greatest fear for the latter-day saints was prosperity that our lives would become comfortable without trials and we would slowly forget God.  Our lives have become relatively easy, and we struggle not to be complacent in our relationship with God.  One of the “Collateral Blessings” of this experience is that our prayers have taken on a new intensity; we have been reminded that God knows and loves each of us, and is mindful of our needs on a very personal level.  We know that Joseph is experiencing and learning on a spiritual level even now in his current condition. 

There have been and I am sure will continue to be many more collateral blessings from this experience.  We are not sure exactly what is in store in the future, but I can say that we are willing to be still and know that He is God.

We are so grateful for Tannie, she has been the greatest blessing in Joe’s life, and in our family.  We marvel that God has packed so much hope and optimism in that tiny body.  We are also grateful for the unity and strength of the entire Stradling family.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers – they are the most powerful medicine.

Kent

9/22 - 6:45 p.m.

A few unknown facts (to those who have never sat outside ICU):
1.  They kick you out of the patient's room between 6 and 9 both a.m. (if you are up and at the ICU at that time) and p.m.  They do this for the "changing of the guards" and patient's privacy.  So as you can tell by the time, I have been "asked to leave".

2.  Waiting outside is very peaceful.  Except for the occasional family member coming out of someone else's room on the Medical Floor, it is very quiet.  It lends well to a clearer head and the ability to think clearly.

3.  ICU nurses are wonderful.  Well, nurses in general are wonderful.  Granted there is the occasional not-so-wonderful nurse, but on the whole I truly admire all nurses and their willingness to work with those who are unable to "work" for themselves.

Hmm, so what else have I learned while I'm here?  That sometimes you really don't know how many people's lives you or your family have affected in your lifetime until something like this happens.  You go through the initial shock of the whole initial day - the crying and the hugging (and the headaches from the crying) and the sheer emotional exhaustion of the day, and THEN you brain begins to wrap around a small portion of this sheer mountain you will need to climb.

Sorry to wax nostalgic.  So how is Joe?  He is doing about the same.  A few encouraging things:

1.  He has been sleeping for most of the day which they say is not abnormal in these cases.
2.  At one time he turned his head from side to side following Dad's voice.
3.  He is completely off blood pressure meds and is maintaining a great blood pressure on his own (I wish *I* had such a great blood pressure!)

Some not so encouraging things:
1.  Last night right after we left he threw up a little of the "steak in a bottle" (nutrition) they were giving him.  Because he has not gotten his gag reflex back they are afraid he might have aspirated some of it.  They have been constantly suctioning out his lungs to keep pneumonia from happening.

2.  Because of the happenings in his lungs he began to breathe a little more labored so they turned the vent back on a little bit just to help him breathe.  They said it was good that he had been breathing on his own for so long with this kind of injury.

So life goes on.  All in all we very upbeat and Tannie is doing great.  She went tonight to the Church Open House with her friend Kim.  She spent the night last night at Mom and Dad Stradling's house and got a full night's sleep outside of the hospital.

Thanks again to all for your love and support.  Liz

Morning - 9/22

Ashy and I are on our way to do a long photoshoot. Kent said the night was pretty uneventful. He did gag a little on his feeding tube so they took it out. Life is starting to intrude. There is a church tour tonight that kent has been in charge of for those who are curious to know what the inside of the church looks like. Kent will be going to that and Tannie will leave Joe's side to attend with a coworker. Thanks for your love and support.

Pain...

10/21, 9:32 - Today the nurse came in and applied pain (great pain with a forceps) to Joe's finger.  You should have seen his face.  He screwed up his face, pulled his finger away and gave the nurse "the stink eye".  Nothing huge, but still SOMETHING to show he is progressing.  Keep praying for him - and Tannie.

Not looking so good

9/21-So the neurologist came in and painted a pretty solemn picture. He said that this is probably not a short term issue but rather a long term issue. They have him breathing pretty much on his own but we just don't know what to expect brain function wise.

As a parent it is really hard to watch your child struggle. I have really thought hard about the concept of Agency. As a parent it is so difficult to not want to yank that agency away and make decisions for your children. But God knew better and knew that we had to make our own way - not our parents way - and that is why we were given this precious gift.

Thank you to all who have stopped by and given condolences. It helps to know we are loved. Liz

He opened his eyes!

He opened his eyes. Still not focusing on a whole lot but he can kind of blink his eyes closed when you ask. He is back at 98.2 so now we need to just get his brain out of the fog.

9/20 - Day 2

9/20 - So yesterday Joe was brought into the hospital at about 8:00 a.m. after suffering a brain injury at home.  Tannie found him in the kitchen and gave him CPR as she called 911.  They rode by ambulance   to San Juan Regional Medical Center where we have been since.

They don't really know the extent of the damage to his brain at this point.  Currently he has been:
1.  Intubated (put on the respirator).
2.  Placed on blood pressure meds to help keep his blood pressure up.
3.  Placed on sedation meds to keep him in a coma so his brain can heal itself.
4.  Lowered his body temperature to keep brain cells from dying and help with the swelling in his brain (he was taken down to 91.0 at one point).

When they put the intubation tube in they inadvertently nicked the lung and over time the lung collapsed.  They had to put in a chest tube to reinflate the lung and after readjusting it again today it has been working great.  The doctor says his lungs are working fine now and that is not a worry.

So today they have been slowly warming him up (about a 10-16 hour process) and checking his brain activity as he does this.  They have done a CAT scan tonight to see if the swelling in his brain has gone down at all.  We won't find out the results on this until probably later tonight or tomorrow morning.

So it is a wait-and-see process.  In my life it is a very interesting time as you go through the roller coaster of emotions.  One minute you are sobbing and hanging onto others for support, and the next you are laughing with those people who have come to offer their condolences.  It is hard to explain and unless you go through it you really can't empathize - you can sympathize but not empathize.

A few things I have learned in this time is how we really are loved.  Joe is really loved by people you often don't think about, but when the chips are down you are reminded, en masse, of those who love you.  Words like "thank you" and "we love you" can't really portray the deep and tender feelings having friends surround you at this time invokes in you.

I'll sign off now.  It is 11:29 and the day is swiftly coming to an end.

P.S.  We got the results from the CAT scan back and the doctor says it is normal.  What does that mean?  Good question.  The original CAT scan was determined to possibly have a small amount of swelling but the results also could have been chalked up to a "young brain".  (I don't think I'll ever be diagnosed with that again!).  Anyway, good night!